Lighthouse

Middle age........where you can do without sex, but not your glasses!

O.K, it's my birthday. One of those with a large '0' after a number. No, I'm not going to tell you which one, only that if all the candles were to fit on a cake, it would be a fire risk and contribute considerably to global warming.

Have you noticed when you reach one of the milestone ages that everyone, and I mean everyone, takes the trouble to tell you. The worst ones are the people that add "......but I thought you were older!" It's also brought some out of the woodwork. People have sent cards that I haven't heard from for years, people not even on our Christmas card list.

The one small joy I have is that I've been a toyboy for the last three weeks but now I've caught my wife up. I've always had a soft spot (perhaps not the right words) for older women, but the older you get, the less inviting that becomes. Oatmeal coloured shoes and surgical stockings just doesn't do it for me.

So what am I having for my birthday. It's got to be practical. My wife usually get me what ever I want, wheelbarrow, stepladders, etc, but this year I haven't decided yet. It's me that will have to make the purchase because she is physically unable to, and I really have all that I want, which makes it even more difficult. Any suggestions........... but please, NO SOCKS!

I've been tagged again and this time it's six weird things about myself. Now I expect everyone who has been caught up in this one has said, "........but I'm the most normal person I know!" I'm not going to be the odd one out............ "I'm normal!" So where to start?

1/ I haven't got a mobile phone. Haven't got one and don't want one. Why would I need one? Everyone else has one so I can always borrow someones if I have a problem There's a lot of generous people out there.

2/ I have worn women's clothes. Well, not exactly worn them, more modeled them. My mother used to make dresses, wedding, bridesmaids, dance etc, for friends and family, and while a dress can be made on a tailors dummy, it's always better on a person to see how it hangs and moves. It never convinced me that there was any future in it for me.

3/ I have worked in a Nudist Camp. We had a Pub for about 15 years. After we gave that up and just to fill in a Summer, we ran the bars and club house on a Holiday Estate which was part caravan park and part nudist camp. No, nobody came into the bars topless or even bottomless. Everyone was very respectful and kept themselves to the different part of the Estate when they felt like letting it all hang out. I never saw a nudist that didn't look better with clothes on.

4/ I'm a Sudoku fanatic. Now what can be more weird than that, filling in numbers into squares? And what's it all for? I use it as an exercise in logic, to keep the brain working, hopefully to fend off any deterioration in the old grey matter. Will it work? I'll let you know! Now where was I?

5/ I see the shadow people. Have you noticed them? You're doing something and you catch sight of something out of your line of vision. Your sure someone has just passed by, but when you check, there nobody there. I've heard about worlds within worlds and sharing time and space. Was it a reflection or just a trick of the light? Or was it one of the shadow people.

6/ I've never watched Desperate Housewives, or Taxi, or Friends, Cheers, Lost, Twin Peeks, Buffy, Beverly Hills 5073846271947563 (or whatever it is),The Simpsons, Scrubs, Dr. Who, 24, Another 24, Yet another bloody 24!, Sex in the City etc, in fact any of the series that have been on T.V in the last 20 years. I did watch as many episodes of Mash as I could and some of the early Dallas and Dynasty. I don't watch any of the Soaps or reality shows that take up so much space in early evening entertainment. I can get depressed enough on my own without watching people playing at it.

7/ I cloud watch, I spend quite a bit of time during the day looking at the sky and how clouds roll and billow across the blue. I know nothing of their names or why they do what they do. Our view is blocked for the sun rising but we have a fair view of the sun setting and I revel in the changing colours against the forming clouds on the skyline.

See! That's it, all six. And I'm perfectly NORMAL.

I know I should now tag six but I don't know six other bloggers........... because I'm shy.

My mother-in-law has given up. She sit in her lounge, no light, no heat and stares at a blank screen. There is nothing we can do to help.

My wife is worried, and so frustrated with her condition. It's left to her sisters, she's one of five, to do what little they can, but how do you help a person who will not help themselves?

It's fallen yet again on the eldest daughter to try and solve the problem. My mother-in-law was recently sent home from hospital after a self inflicted complaint. She doesn't eat properly and drinks very little, then fills herself up with laxatives, because she 'must go' every day. The result. Chronic stomach pains........... and a trip to hospital.

Carers were arranged, meals to be delivered every day, and a good neighbour to call in a couple of times a day just to make sure all was well. They were all cancelled or sent away within days. The neighbour has persevered and it was her phone call this morning that alerted us to present situation.

The options are running out. We are helpless, others are hopeless. The eldest sister does what she can but lives so far away. Another has just lost her husband a few weeks ago and has enough difficulties getting through her own day without helping others. One sister doesn't care, pure and simple. And the youngest is not capable. When asked to take some food to the house for when mother came home from hospital, she took marshmallows and a cake. No milk, no bread, no idea!

So now we sit and wait for the inevitable phone call, from the hospital, or the doctor, or the neighbour.............. or worst. My wife would feel better if she could participate, if she could share part of the burden of responsibility but that's impossible, so we wait. And I watch.

Update.....
I understand that a Building Socity has just introduced a system where you phone them, log your number, and then they phone you back when you are near the head of the queue, so your waiting time is cut to minutes.

Hanging on the telephone....

It was bound to happen. If I was a betting person, I could have made money out of it. Instead, I spent most of the morning hanging on the telephone.

My wife's recent birthday has effected the disability benefit she receives. I'd done all that was asked, notified of changes, and in plenty of time, so you would have thought that everything would be taken care of, and the change over would be a simple matter. Wrong!

I like to support our local village Post Office, and so I chose to have our benefits payed through them rather than have the money paid into our bank account. When I arrived this morning and presented our payment card it registered 'No funds'. I was not surprised! I then offered my payment card and received over £30 more than I was expecting. Strange, but perhaps a telephone call would sort it all out. Wrong!

Now Monday morning is not the best time to phone any of the benefit offices but by some small miracle I managed to get through to my wife's department in about 10 minutes. Their excuse was the the change over was still in the process of happening and would be completed by the end of the week. An interim cheque would be in the post and normal payments would resume next week............ we shall see!

My department was Works and Pensions. Say no more! It took 7 phone calls over an hour to even get in a queue. And then came the music. I recon the music repeats every three minutes and after about the 12th repeat the line went dead. Joining the queue was slightly quicker the next time and after only about 20 minutes I was greeted by a human voice.

Two minutes latter it was sorted. The extra was my entitlement, due to our change of circumstances, and would continue until the end of the month when our circumstances will change again. More telephone calls I expect. I can't wait.

When it suits them, we get brown envelope after brown envelope, telling us of changes or more often, non changes. One of these envelopes would have saved me a morning of hanging on the telephone.

It was my wife's birthday this week. I won't say which one, except that it had one of those BIG zeros after it. Another milestone or millstone as she likes to call it. For the next three weeks I play out my toyboy role and then I catch her up. Same big zero!

It's said that the years speed up as you get older and I'm in no position to argue with that. Time does seem to pass a lot quicker and even days don't seem to be as long as they did. I used to work an eighty four hour week and always had enough time to have hobbies, read, meet with friends, and find time for anything that needed doing. Now I plan to do just one thing during the day and am often fighting for time to complete the simplest task.

"They have no time to stop and stare"..........that's me! OK, I know I have problems, responsibilities that have to be taken care of, but there still should be some time left during the day, a little space for me.

Well, I suppose this is my space, my little bit of time for me. It's a time I look forward to, make plans for, stir the grey matter and see what comes to the surface. Not much most nights, but if I can't come up with something interesting, I know a few others who can.

So, with three weeks to go before I reach that millstone, I'm preparing myself. Making plans for the future and not dwelling on the mistakes of the past. It's one of the great things about being a Sagittarian, ever hopeful, ever the optimist Something will always turn up, and usually for the better.

Don't you just love birthdays, especially ones with the BIG zero behind them?

I've had Blogging problems over the weekend. For some unknown reason my connection keeps closing down. Unless I 'save to draft' and do it often, I loose any notes I have made. Then to crown it all, last night I come on line at midnight and Blogger is down for maintenance for 45 minutes.

Right, that off my chest, and now to things that 'P' me off even more. The main road at the bottom of out drive has just been resurfaced. Today the local authority were putting the final touches to it by laying down the road marking. And a good job they have made of it. We've just been informed that the Water Board will be renewing the water supply to our homes next week. Yep! You've guessed it. The Water Board will be digging up part of the new road surface which can hardly be dry.

What's happened to joined up thinking? These two jobs did not happen on a whim. Planning and preparation has gone into them. But what happened to communication? Obviously these departments do not talk to each other.

We had a telephone bill today. it's normally about £50 in credit, so I was a little surprised that the balance was somewhat lower this time. The reason is five 0700 calls I made to my mother while she was in hospital. Each call was charged at 70p a minute. They used to have a mobile phone to the bedside which people could use but now everything is from the bed consul, all at a premium price.

It annoys me how hospitals, or those they allow to offer a service in a hospital, are able to fleece people who have no other choice. Not only do they try to poison the patient with ghastly muck that passes for food but they also try to make you poorer by your stay. And if you're really lucky, you can catch a dose of M.R.S.A!

O.K, I feel a little better now. Another glass of Merlot I think!

P.S. The website crashed again during this posting.

Gone are the days when we used to grab our coat and be off in five minutes flat. It now takes about five hours. To leave by midday, it means a seven o'clock start for me. It's easy for my wife, she just lies there, while I get the papers, see to the dog, bed bath her, then dress her. Next it's hair wash, breakfast, and then she has to wait for me. There's a snack to prepare, washing up, another dog walk, me to get ready..................... and we're off. Midday!

The trip has to be planned for several days and it not until the morning that we know if we are able to go. This time it's to visit my mother in Torquay, about 75 miles away. The journey can take about an hour and a half but traffic and road works slows us to a two hour trip.

This time it's to make sure my mother is managing physically and to sort out some finances. She's in her eighties and the years are taking their tole. The house is far too big, and although she get help with her general care, it's getting to the stage where she will need a lot more help in future. She has excellent neighbours that keep an eye on her but decisions will have to be made in the not too distant future. Just one of the joys of old age.

The afternoon was fine and went all too quickly. My wife can only manage about two hours of sitting unsupported, so by four o'clock we took our leave.

The weather was absolutely beautiful for our trip home. The bluest of skies with a dozen long lasting vapour trails crossing overhead. Before we reached Newton Abbot, the sky had begun to change to gold. As we chased the sunset westward, we were treated to one of the most beautiful shows that Mother Nature has ever put on.

It was difficult to concentrate on the road and traffic with the sky changing colour every few minutes. Every time you thought you had seen the best of it, you were surprised again by a more spectacular show. If only we had had time to stop on high ground and soak in splendour being displayed to us.

I did stop for a minute to take a photograph, not the best of the show, but enough to ever remind us of the free beauty around us, the glory of an Autumn sunset.

Two of my elderly neighbours are involved in advertising for companionship in a national magazine, although why they don't get together and save themselves a lot of letter writing, I shall never know. The lady, a young 82 year old, seems to be quite successful in her endeavors, while the gentleman, a mere 77 years, is a little more choosy and so far has not found a Miss Right or even a Miss Wrong.

What I did find amusing is some of the advertisements for friendship or partners. Ones like :-

Bald, short, fat and ugly male, 53 seeks short sighted woman with tremendous sexual appetite.

Mature gentleman, 62, aged well, noble grey looks, sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society , seeks..................damn it................I have to pee again!

Not everyone appearing in this column is a deranged cross-dressing sociopath. Let me know if you find one and I'll strangle him with my bra. Male 56.

Or the ladies................

Slut in the kitchen, chef in the bedroom. Woman, 37, seeks man who can toss a good salad.

September 5th is the anniversary of my divorce. So too are November 17th, January 12th, March 8th and June 21st.............

Female 36, suspicious of any male declaring themselves to be in possession of a great sense of humour.

Some of the other out-takes that made me laugh were :-

..........reply to this advert and we can face the harsh realities of my second mortgage. Male 37, WLTM woman, aged to 70, with active credit cards.

..........Must be able to write his own name ( on own cheque book a bonus).

..........WLTM a dizzy female to 50, who doesn't ask too many questions. Male bigamist 48 yrs.

Must be able to read big words in magazines and have big boobies. I can live without the first, but the second is non-negotiable. Shallow man, 34, and I mean 'shallow'.

.......... male wanted. Must be able to breath unaided.

I can take no personal credit for these, I'm just the messenger. They are from a new book, They Call Me Naughty Lola by David Rose. They gave me a laugh and I hope they make you smile as well.

I wonder how my advertisement would read???