Lighthouse

Two of my elderly neighbours are involved in advertising for companionship in a national magazine, although why they don't get together and save themselves a lot of letter writing, I shall never know. The lady, a young 82 year old, seems to be quite successful in her endeavors, while the gentleman, a mere 77 years, is a little more choosy and so far has not found a Miss Right or even a Miss Wrong.

What I did find amusing is some of the advertisements for friendship or partners. Ones like :-

Bald, short, fat and ugly male, 53 seeks short sighted woman with tremendous sexual appetite.

Mature gentleman, 62, aged well, noble grey looks, sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society , seeks..................damn it................I have to pee again!

Not everyone appearing in this column is a deranged cross-dressing sociopath. Let me know if you find one and I'll strangle him with my bra. Male 56.

Or the ladies................

Slut in the kitchen, chef in the bedroom. Woman, 37, seeks man who can toss a good salad.

September 5th is the anniversary of my divorce. So too are November 17th, January 12th, March 8th and June 21st.............

Female 36, suspicious of any male declaring themselves to be in possession of a great sense of humour.

Some of the other out-takes that made me laugh were :-

..........reply to this advert and we can face the harsh realities of my second mortgage. Male 37, WLTM woman, aged to 70, with active credit cards.

..........Must be able to write his own name ( on own cheque book a bonus).

..........WLTM a dizzy female to 50, who doesn't ask too many questions. Male bigamist 48 yrs.

Must be able to read big words in magazines and have big boobies. I can live without the first, but the second is non-negotiable. Shallow man, 34, and I mean 'shallow'.

.......... male wanted. Must be able to breath unaided.

I can take no personal credit for these, I'm just the messenger. They are from a new book, They Call Me Naughty Lola by David Rose. They gave me a laugh and I hope they make you smile as well.

I wonder how my advertisement would read???