Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Stares at a blank screen....
My mother-in-law has given up. She sit in her lounge, no light, no heat and stares at a blank screen. There is nothing we can do to help.
My wife is worried, and so frustrated with her condition. It's left to her sisters, she's one of five, to do what little they can, but how do you help a person who will not help themselves?
It's fallen yet again on the eldest daughter to try and solve the problem. My mother-in-law was recently sent home from hospital after a self inflicted complaint. She doesn't eat properly and drinks very little, then fills herself up with laxatives, because she 'must go' every day. The result. Chronic stomach pains........... and a trip to hospital.
Carers were arranged, meals to be delivered every day, and a good neighbour to call in a couple of times a day just to make sure all was well. They were all cancelled or sent away within days. The neighbour has persevered and it was her phone call this morning that alerted us to present situation.
The options are running out. We are helpless, others are hopeless. The eldest sister does what she can but lives so far away. Another has just lost her husband a few weeks ago and has enough difficulties getting through her own day without helping others. One sister doesn't care, pure and simple. And the youngest is not capable. When asked to take some food to the house for when mother came home from hospital, she took marshmallows and a cake. No milk, no bread, no idea!
So now we sit and wait for the inevitable phone call, from the hospital, or the doctor, or the neighbour.............. or worst. My wife would feel better if she could participate, if she could share part of the burden of responsibility but that's impossible, so we wait. And I watch.
My wife is worried, and so frustrated with her condition. It's left to her sisters, she's one of five, to do what little they can, but how do you help a person who will not help themselves?
It's fallen yet again on the eldest daughter to try and solve the problem. My mother-in-law was recently sent home from hospital after a self inflicted complaint. She doesn't eat properly and drinks very little, then fills herself up with laxatives, because she 'must go' every day. The result. Chronic stomach pains........... and a trip to hospital.
Carers were arranged, meals to be delivered every day, and a good neighbour to call in a couple of times a day just to make sure all was well. They were all cancelled or sent away within days. The neighbour has persevered and it was her phone call this morning that alerted us to present situation.
The options are running out. We are helpless, others are hopeless. The eldest sister does what she can but lives so far away. Another has just lost her husband a few weeks ago and has enough difficulties getting through her own day without helping others. One sister doesn't care, pure and simple. And the youngest is not capable. When asked to take some food to the house for when mother came home from hospital, she took marshmallows and a cake. No milk, no bread, no idea!
So now we sit and wait for the inevitable phone call, from the hospital, or the doctor, or the neighbour.............. or worst. My wife would feel better if she could participate, if she could share part of the burden of responsibility but that's impossible, so we wait. And I watch.
# posted by LePhare @ 11:34 PM 
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Oh Ian....my heart goes out to you and your wife. That's just so sad, to see someone you care about, give up like that. Sighs.
I fear growing old alone.
I fear growing old alone.
# posted by 
: 12:33 AM
: 12:33 AM
What is the policy for nursing facilites (not a hospital) in your country?
Here the family would call in someone like me, I would assess her physical and mental condition...as would her doctor... who would order she be admitted to the nursing facility for a rehabiliative stay, some physical therapy would be ordered to strengthen her muscles from the inactivity which also helps to lessen the depression...she would be hydrated which is what is also contributing to her lethargy....sometimes the entrance into a new world, one away from the home environment, but still more homelike than a hospital is a catalyst for change...once there they are almost forced to socialize even if it be only with the nursing staff and having to participate in congregate meals.
It is not always the answer, and not a cure because once returned home they can again sink into the depression again...but sometimes it is just learning that they do have to stay hydrated...so many of the elderly do not realize what dehydration does to them...they often think that if they drink less it stops the need to urinate so much...which due to small instances of incontinence they try to stave off by not drinking. Something so simple as dehydration exasberbates or causes so many other things....the lethargy, weakness, deeper depression, even signs of dementia.
I do feel for you and your wife, her family....
There are often few choices, especially when it feels as if we are taking away a loved ones independence.
But sometimes finding an institution for a short-term rehabiliative stay when the home caregivers hired do not work...is another answer.
And you may have tried all of that already...sometimes they do just give up...thinking that life has no more to offer...
Here the family would call in someone like me, I would assess her physical and mental condition...as would her doctor... who would order she be admitted to the nursing facility for a rehabiliative stay, some physical therapy would be ordered to strengthen her muscles from the inactivity which also helps to lessen the depression...she would be hydrated which is what is also contributing to her lethargy....sometimes the entrance into a new world, one away from the home environment, but still more homelike than a hospital is a catalyst for change...once there they are almost forced to socialize even if it be only with the nursing staff and having to participate in congregate meals.
It is not always the answer, and not a cure because once returned home they can again sink into the depression again...but sometimes it is just learning that they do have to stay hydrated...so many of the elderly do not realize what dehydration does to them...they often think that if they drink less it stops the need to urinate so much...which due to small instances of incontinence they try to stave off by not drinking. Something so simple as dehydration exasberbates or causes so many other things....the lethargy, weakness, deeper depression, even signs of dementia.
I do feel for you and your wife, her family....
There are often few choices, especially when it feels as if we are taking away a loved ones independence.
But sometimes finding an institution for a short-term rehabiliative stay when the home caregivers hired do not work...is another answer.
And you may have tried all of that already...sometimes they do just give up...thinking that life has no more to offer...
We are meeting with some of the family tomorrow. We are traveling about half way to my mother's and meeting two of my wife's sisters there. 'Killing two birds.....' comes to mind.
It's a case of discussing options and then putting wheels in motion. We tried phoning today but she wasn't answering but another sister did manage to get through to a neighbour. They said she was o.k and that the community nurse had been with her this morning.
I understand her doctor was going to visit later today but we have not heard the result of that visit, so should find out tomorrow.
The main option looks like a Home of some sort where she can receive better care but she is not going to be very happy with that suggestion.
It's a case of 'wait and see' and see what we can come up with tomorrow. I know how the system work in this County but every area sees to have a different way of dealing with these situations.
I'm glad Christmas is coming. We can have some nuts!
It's a case of discussing options and then putting wheels in motion. We tried phoning today but she wasn't answering but another sister did manage to get through to a neighbour. They said she was o.k and that the community nurse had been with her this morning.
I understand her doctor was going to visit later today but we have not heard the result of that visit, so should find out tomorrow.
The main option looks like a Home of some sort where she can receive better care but she is not going to be very happy with that suggestion.
It's a case of 'wait and see' and see what we can come up with tomorrow. I know how the system work in this County but every area sees to have a different way of dealing with these situations.
I'm glad Christmas is coming. We can have some nuts!
oohh the family nut tree...i spent my day shaking that tree...the ground was covered!
Good I hope it all works out for the family...and the home stay does not have to be forever if she can get herself back on track..how old is she?
I have so many questions...but I will hold my couriosity at bay....
And by the way darling man...you have been tagged!
Good I hope it all works out for the family...and the home stay does not have to be forever if she can get herself back on track..how old is she?
I have so many questions...but I will hold my couriosity at bay....
And by the way darling man...you have been tagged!
We met with my wife's eldest sister yesterday. The other's were conspicuous by their absence. She will be visiting mother today but I understand the situation is not very good.
The Response Team that do hospital follow-ups are still visiting, and I understand her doctor was to visit again this morning. The warden is checking on her every few hours and is making sure she gets to bed safely.
We are now waiting for a phone call from sister but that won't be until tomorrow. I doubt whether anything will be done over the weekend, as per normal, unless there is an emergency.
Thanks for your concern. I think the old lady (89) has just had enough. I saw it in my father, he was so tired of fighting.
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The Response Team that do hospital follow-ups are still visiting, and I understand her doctor was to visit again this morning. The warden is checking on her every few hours and is making sure she gets to bed safely.
We are now waiting for a phone call from sister but that won't be until tomorrow. I doubt whether anything will be done over the weekend, as per normal, unless there is an emergency.
Thanks for your concern. I think the old lady (89) has just had enough. I saw it in my father, he was so tired of fighting.
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